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Warning! crazy Japanese signs

Lloyd Vincent — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 03:08:29 +0000

Japanese signs are great fun. You really have to admire the amount of detail that went into some of them. Here’s a collection of pictures of various warnings, notices, caution signs, etc. that I’ve come across in my journeys.

A sign urging Japanese bicyclists to look for cars before crossing the road.

This sign says "danger" but fails to clarify whether the danger is the water or the fish.

A Japanese sign on an elevator urging people to make sure they don't get any straps/cords stuck in the doors.

Dear parents, don't let your perfect little Japanese Johnny out on the internet alone, just look at all the dangers.

Please don't play baseball near puddles near downed power lines. But if you do, this dog will try to save you.

Sign reads: watch out at night! groping doesn't just happen on the train.

The HAND OF GOD shall prevent you from rushing across the crosswalk on a blinking green light. The Almighty Hand is impervious to kicking.

This poor dolphin wasn't paying attention to the train doors. Don't be like this poor dolphin.

Did you know that every time you park your bicycle haphazardly and obstruct the walking path, little Japanese kids cry?

Warning: this elevator has crabs.

A sign urging bicyclists to turn on their bicycle lights at night.

Added December 3, 2009. Thanks Darryl! (be sure to check out his Jubeat project)

A sign at a subway station urging middle aged men to... not be drunk at the subway station.

Japanglish journeys: the 100 yen store

Lloyd Vincent — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 12:57:35 +0000

While it’s true that Japan is more expensive than many other places in the world, there is always a way to get more for your money. Japan is flush with 100 yen stores everywhere you go, known collectively as 100均 (hyakkin). I have a Lawson 100 just a couple blocks from my house where I buy my natto and bread, most shopping centers have a Daiso, and the annoyingly catchy store-theme-song that they loop over and over inside of Ｓｈｏｐ 99 (kyuukyuu) has never quite left my head.

Not only are 100 yen shops a kind of messiah for tight-budgeted students, travelers and residents, they are an honest to goodness goldmine for top-quality Japanglish. I imagine some of the products they carry ended up there specifically because the maker realized their translation was rubbish.

Recently I made a trip to the Skyle building Daiso in Sakae, Nagoya… here’s what I came away with.

Do not play it rudely

Oh, that’s a very nice looking bowl. A little expensive for a 100 yen store item but very nice cracked glaze-work… Let’s look at the usage notice on the back.

Okay, I’ll be sure not to play it rudely. But why can’t I use this near the TV? (o_O)

On a side note, I have no clue how they got that first particular English sentence from the original Japanese, which basically says “please do not bump, throw or handle this object roughly.”

Oh look, there are some nice tea pots over there!

Made of Poland

…hm?!

Oh no! My homeland (I’ve got Polish blood) is being turned into value tea pots!!!

I can’t bear to look…. speaking of bears, what’s that I see on those plates over there?

British Bistro Bear

Bistro bear! That dawg. He’s such a lady-killer. I’m actually the proud owner of a bistro bear coffee mug at home, with the same Japanglish on it of course.

And he’s British, even.

Let’s see… what else is there to look at in this 100 yen store…

Round tray of non-slip processing

Non-slip trays! Just what my shaky hands need. Oh and look, they even illustrated and translated the non-slippage concept for us. Let’s take a look.

Bag of holding and cloak of invisibility jokes aside though, I’d really better get myself one of these before it becomes such a situation.

On the plus side, this particular English should get points for at least getting its meaning across.

Okay, that’s enough in the kitchen and tableware section for now. Time to move on to something else.

With ass

A lot of the big department stores in Japan are starting to charge 5 yen each for plastic bags now… maybe I should get one of these vinyl shopping bags. Hmmm, what does that blue one say?

“With ass”… You almost have to be trying to write Japanglish this good. A classic piece, this one. Truly classic. I would have bought it too if the bag itself were of at least reasonably good quality (it wasn’t).

Here are some shirts…

Possibility of synaeresis

Since we are at a 100 yen shop after all, we’d better check the usage guidelines first.

Sin… Syne…. Synaeri…. Syn-ae-re-sis. Synaeresis.

Forget that this word has absolutely no relevance to clothing at all… How in Buddah’s name did they get that word spelled right but then come up with “fluor“?

And what exactly am I supposed to understand from the sentence “separately wash with other clothing.”??

To their credit though, the word “insolate” is actually correct.

Pizza Flavored Instant Yaki-soba

Lloyd Vincent — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 02:16:10 +0000

Japan is very good at coming up with flavors and combinations that no one else would dare to attempt. On this point, Japanese pizza is another post in and of itself… but today I just want to show everyone this interesting new product that caught my eye at my local convenience store yesterday.

The box

Note: Pizza-la is a Japanese pizza chain store (I have to say store instead of restaurant because Japanese pizza is 99% delivery)

The product

For those of you looking at the above image and thinking “there’s no way that tastes like pizza,” you’re correct. I decided to become a guinea pig for the sake of science and tried it myself. The actual flavor as far as I can tell is primarily pepper, kind of mixed with an artificial-meaty flavor… Cheese? Tomato Sauce? Sorry…, not on this “pizza.”

Oh well, I wasn’t expecting too much (it is just a box of instant noodles, after all). I pretty much just got a cheap dinner and an easy blog post out of the deal.

The verdict: leave this product alone, you’re not missing anything. It’s not so different from any other instant noodle. Not that it’s really bad, but it’s not anywhere close enough to pizza to be as interesting as the box implies.

Japanese have small stuff

Lloyd Vincent — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 01:06:46 +0000

Japanese are well known around the world as masters of miniature. And for a small island country of relatively short statured people, limited space and an obsession with things that are 可愛い (kawaii = cute) this should come as little surprise (sorry, I couldn’t help myself).

However, somewhere in logical order of things there is a line of miniaturization for certain things which need not be crossed… that is, except by the Japanese.

On a quick trip to the supermarket last night I picked up four examples of miniaturization gone wild, but I’m sure there are plenty more lurking all over this country.

1. 135ml (4.5oz) Asahi beer = 100 yen

Here, let me help you put that in perspective…

I guess this is one option for staying within the legal limit…

2. Mini-Mayonnaise = 67 yen

And again, in perspective…

Share it with a friend to save even more calories.

3. Mini Instant Noodles = 95 yen

Happens to be just about as big as my coffee cup…

For these noodles, the “instant” refers to the time required for eating.

4. Potato Chips = 78 yen

Mmmm… don’t those look yummy?

Too bad you have to eat at least 3 at a time to get the sensation of having something in your mouth.

I’ll try to find some more mini things.

PS. Anyone remember Zoolander’s mobile phone? Mark my words, the Japanese will build it. It’s just a matter of time…